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Reflections 

of a 

Cornfield Philosopher 



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Reflections 



of a 



Cornfield Philosopher 



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NEW YORK 
THOMAS Y* CROWELL COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 



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The University Press, Cambridge, Mass., U.S. A. 



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JUN 15 1916 



CI.A431504 



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TO 

THE MAN WHO HOES TO THE END 
OF THE ROW 

THIS LITTLE BOOK IS AFFECTIONATELY 
DEDICATED 



If you would be a philosopher, 
borrow a hoe some bright morn" 
ing and go out into a cornfield and 
hoe a row of corn ; and when you 
have finished one row hoe an- 
other, and so continue unto the 
night. You will be very weary 
but you will have had time to 
think and you will see some 
things clearly. 



Reflections 



It is a high privilege to be ad- 
mitted to the game of life, even 
though V7e have to sit on the 
bleachers. 

Institutions are built on the 
backs of men. Until all backs are 
strong, institutions will be weak. 

Many a man has become famous 
through playing the part of mega- 
phone to some quiet scholar. 



Who exploits the passions of 
men for political ends, weaves a 
rope that will hang his sons and 
his daughters. 

It is hard to judge by appear- 
ances. Boys who wouldn't steal 
a melon will sometimes hang over 
the garden fence. 



[1] 







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A Cornfield Philosopher 



It's too bad we can't inherit the ^^H^^ 
ings our ancestors have learned ^ssr^^ \ 



A 



thin 

not to do. 

If your apparel speaks too loudly 
it will drown the voice of yotxr 
personality. 

Words are not wise merely be- 
cause they march in stately pro- 
cession. 

It's a bold writer these days who 
dares employ the English language. 



Ignorance may have good mo- 
tives, but only high intelligence 
can do right. 

If our fears could be turned into 
fortitude and our worries into 
work, we could move mountains 
— small ones anyway. 



[2] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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A bore is a person who can't 
imderstand that we are in a hxxrry 
to go fishing. 

Truth is a newspaper that every- 
body subscribes for and nobody 
takes. 

As an acorn falling on fertile 
soil will in time become a mighty 
oak, so a word dropped at the right 
place may cause a revolution. 

If you are running for office adopt 
a platform everybody agrees to — 
then fight for it. 

Good manners require an iimate 
quality of mind and heart that 
prompts to kindly acts. You can't 
polish a hog so that his snout will 
not be visible. 

The woman who goes places 
just to show her clothes had better 
stay home and send ^em in a 
tnmk. 

[3] 



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\Mfl A Cornfield Philosopher 



It's about as bad to make too 
small an estimate of yoxirself as 
too great. But why make any? 

Don't give a man credit for a 
strong mind just because he is 
obstinate. Any donkey can be 
pig-headed. 



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Never return a kindness. Pass 
it on. 

If you've wheels in your head 
use cushion tires. 

A dollar won in a gamble will 
breed more discontent among your 
other dollars than a mutinous 
sailor in the forecastle. 

Well-behaved parents are a 
blessing to any family. 

We can't expect much of a gar- 
den if we eat the seed potatoes. 



[4] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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The worst enemy to any cause 
is the friend who tells lies in its 
favor. 

The Ancient Order of Brains is 
the only society in the world that 
makes no distinction of race, re- 
ligion or condition. 

When we are dissatisfied with 
ourselves, we usually relieve our 
feelings by finding fault with the 
other fellow. 

Giving liberty to a person im- 
trained in its use is like putting a 
loaded pistol in the hands of a 
child. 

The man who was "stingy'' 
when he was yoxmg usually buys 
his wife a limousine. 

Don't hurry — especially if you 
are headed toward the jail. 

[5] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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If you want to get strong phys- 
ically, take exercise. If you want 
to get strong mentally, take re- 
sponsibility. 

A train of thought is a fine thing, 
yet some folks run only one a day. 

Life is a battle. Some die early 
in the fight and are buried in for- 
gotten graves. Others are crowned 
with laurel and go to Congress. 
But ifs all right. 

Many a career has been spoiled 
by too many opportunities. 

It's a common thing for ignorance 
to denoimce what it doesn't under- 
stand. 

Never envy a man unless you 
are willing to swap identities with 
him. 

[6] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



The most dangerous false doc- 
trine of all is the one that contains 
a large proportion of truth. 

Train your senses to detect the 
false; but better to be deceived 
sometimes than shut yourself up 
in a cloud of distrust. 



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5 Don't judge himianity by the 
newspapers. The fact is, de- 
cency is so common nobody talks 
about it. 



Never hang the family wash on 
your neighbor's clotheslines, 

A dogmatic spirit kills social in- 
tercourse; but differences of opin- 
ion politely expressed often arouse 
both respect and esteem. 

The feet of the successful man 
are full of scars — and so are 
many others. 

[7] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



He most loves God who has 
most faith in man. 



In the symphony of life we make 
V many discords; our hope is that 
f these will be forgot in the final 
harmony. 

While you are off picking pond- 
lilies somebody must spread the 
sandwiches. 

In attempting to interpret human 
motives, an author, as a usual 
thing, merely reflects his own so- 
cial and moral standards. 



The Tree of Industry bears little 
fruit unless its roots are irrigated 
by Intelligence. 

In whatever calling, skill pro- 
motes honesty. 



[8] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Take the middle course, not be- 
cause you're sure its right, but 
because of the certainty that ex- 
tremes are wrong. 

What a fine thing it wotild be if 
the solar system could be delayed 
a few minutes so the people who 
are always late could catch up. 

Curiosity is sometimes so mean 
it will crawl through a rat hole to 
enter a neighbor's house. 



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The wise man profits by the mis- 
takes of others; the fool buys 
mining stock. 

Apologize to your guest and you 
make him feel that he's to blame. 

New political ideas like new 
dances often take with the mob — 
not because they are better, but 
because they are different. 



[9] 



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A Cornfield PMosopher 



Better take the wrong street 
than stand forever on the comer. 

Wisdom is a compound of yes- 
terday, today and tomorrow. 

People that brag have few 
friends, and they don't deserve 
any. 

Be a pattern of modest living; 
there's always some admiring idiot 
who will rob the family pxirse to 
ape extravagance. 



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The man who governs his con- 
duct by set nxles is most of the 
time without a guide. 

The highest art in conversation 
is to know what not to say. 



Marriage is never a failure — 
but sometimes the man or the 
woman is. 

[10] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 




Never send your hands on an 
errand when yoiir head will do as 
well. 

K a man can only be described 
by the word "gentleman" he is 
one. 

We should love our neighbors: 
especially the woman who drops 
in just to tell us in a friendly way 
all the mean things she has heard 
about us — and makes up some. 

If s a great relief to a fellow 
when he finds out he is not big 
enough for President. 

DonH imagine because you know 
how to sell calico you can run a 
sawmill. 

Five pound boxes of candy on a 
ten-dollar-a-week salary may be 
"generous," but it indicates a 
bean diet after the wedding. 

[11] 



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The great economic problem of 
the future is the utilizing of wasted 
energy — mostly himian. 

Never put your best foot for- 
ward; keep it up your sleeve. 

The Prodigal Son is always a 
reformer. 



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If a man agrees with you it's a 
sure indication that he has good 
judgment. 

Want of business success is 
sometimes a mark of superior 
honesty. 



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The state is bound to support 
all paupers: it should therefore 
appoint guardians for all spend- 
thrifts. And what a saving of 
gasoline! 



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It is a deplorable thing in na- 
tional life that so many pirate barks 
ride into snug harbor on the high 
tide of great principles. 

Happy the man with one coat; 
he always knows what to wear. 

Some minds have to drive their 
ideas tandem. They can accom- 
modate only one at a time. 

The noblest structure will soon 
disappear if its fotmdations rest on 
the quicksands of error. 



If you would understand Bo- 
hemia, go study the Police Court. 
They're twins. 

Every man is our brother: ours 
to reUeve in distress; ours to 
shield from evil report; ours to 
punish —perhaps; but ours to 
love — always. 



[13] 




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The person who judges another 
by the clothes he wears would 
buy only the books that have red 
covers. 



Education does not imply in- 
telligence. Education covers only 
one or a few subjects; intelligence 
embraces all. Education is tech- 
nical and special, and has largely 
to do with processes; intelligence 
is broad and general, and concerns 
itself with results. 



We seek Truth hotfooted, ever 
to find that she lies hid just behind 
the horizon. 



Everybody hates the vices he 
hasnH got. 

Hardship is merely a point of 



view. 



[14] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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People who build " castles in 
Spain** usually live in rented 
houses. 



Many a youth has been driven 
to drink by a surfeit of good ad- 
vice. 



The greatest benefactor of the 
poor is one who teaches them to 
be content with simple things. 




No intelligent person is con- 
tinuously happy. 



Most uplift schemes are merely 
trophy-hunting expeditions. That^s 
why the wilderness is shy. 



Money can buy everything ex- 
cept what we most need. 



[15] 



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The Paris hat is naturally de- ^j^^^P^^^ 
vout. It always comes out strong ^ Ml \ 
for public worship. 



Health follows hard on the heels 
of happiness. 

EflBiciency means a giving up of 
all the joys of shiftlessness. 

International diplomacy is the art 
of living among thieves. 

The highest type of man is one 
who wants to do murder and 
doesnH. 

If you would have companion- 
ship, stay in the intellectual foot- 
hills. It is always lonely among 
the peaks. 

Love of money makes most of 
the virtues easy. 



[16] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 

K a man do you an injiiry seek 
him out, immediately, and forgive 
him. Otherwise you make him 
your enemy. 

K we knew all the facts we^d 
change most of our opinions. 

These are days when the frugal 
housewife goes without a sewing 
machine so that the family can 
have a touring car. 

In making speech always choose 
the words that keep good com- 
pany. 

Man's nature is an instrument 
of many octaves. Its higher tones 
mingle with the songs of Paradise ; 
its lower notes touch the Inferno. 

Our intellectual graveyards are 
largely filled with good ideas that 
have been worked to death. 

[17] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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'' As the twig is bent the tree^s ^^^^ 
inclined." Therefore bend not the ^s^Y \ , 
twig. Let it grow straight toward 
heaven. 



Most souls live in prison cells 
and look at the world through col- 
ored windows. 

Beware the bite of the underdog. 

We're broad-minded all right, 
but hang the man who hasn't our 
habits. 



Our chief pleasure comes from 
the contemplation of happiness in 
others. 

What's the use of being wise? 
Nobody'll believe you. 

Any virtue may become a vice if 
carried to excess. 



[18] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Mrs, Feather Stitch and faimly 
have driven Intelligent Leisure 
from many a promising household. 

Fear often clothes itself in the 
garments of love. 

When with strained and eager 
ears we hark the music of the 
spheres, as they swing their end- 
less ways through regions of ce- 
lestial space, donH play the ac- 
cordion. 



A definite ambition is a source 
of power and promotes achieve- 
ment. An indefinite ambition 
causes only restlessness and dis- 
content. 

We greatly admire a perfect 
person, but when it comes to loving 
we are likely to choose somebody 
nearer our own size. 



[19] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Keep your eye on your tongue. 
It often takes a week to explain a 
blundering remark, and sometimes 
you canH. 

Many a man's most cherished 
principles are only a bundle of 
prejudices. 

If there were no rainy days we 
should never know the beauty of 
the sunshine. 

An afifected person sees admira- 
tion and envy in every eye, whereas 
it is only amusement and deri- 
sion. 

Yonder great mountain with its 
dazzling mantle of perpetual snow 
fills us with awe and wonder; but 
still we love the little hill that 
caps the gentle slopes of the home 
pasture. 

[20] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 






Few persons really believe what /^k^%^ 
they think they beUeve. ^sTJ \ 



If you would strengthen the 
hand of your opponent start a per- 
secution. 



The letter of the law is always 
inadequate. There be some very 
mean men who keep the Ten 
Commandments. 



Some people see more when they 
stay home than others do when 
they go places. 



The discerning man often seeks 
advice. The dimce thinks he 
doesn^t need any. 

The ego that can't sit in a draft 
will always have chills and fever. 



[21] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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The only way to accomplish any- 
thing in this world is to do the 
best you can and keep right on 
doing it. 

Dignity is a state of mind that 
doesn't like to have its head 
tousled. 

The people that really cotmt are 
the ones you seldom hear about. 

Whether a man be struggling up 
hill or running down, the world is 
likely to push him along. 

Petty jealousies are the vermin 
of the soul. 

Conclusions reached through 
logical reasoning are usually 
faulty. The explanation is that 
the major premise is seldom big 
enough. 

[22] 



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The modem family circle con- 
sists of a man and a woman sitting 
aroimd a gas range. 

There are two kinds of gossips: 
those that tell good things about 
people and those that tell bad. 
Those that tell the good things will 
go to heaven. 

Start an argimient with brick- 
bats and your listeners will soon 
forget the point at issue and watch 
only for the size of the missiles. 

In the race for success always 
bet on the chap who started in life 
with a handicap. 

A house is never home until 
there's a patch in the carpet. 

Never judge a man by what he 
says; try and find out why he 
said it. 



[23] 




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Keep your reputation below 
rather than above your merits. 
This doesn't signify that you shoxild 
rob a bank. 

If you think you have had a 
hard time, ask the next man you 
meet to tell you his story. 

Politeness opens the door to 
success oftener than ability. 

The only decent thing about a 
prize fight is the smile and hand- 
shake before the mill begins. 

Anybody can lead " the simple 
life" if he has plenty of money 
and all the modem conveniences. 

The man who never works more 
than eight hours a day will never 
be able to work less. 

Don't prescribe. When a man 
is sick he has trouble enough. 

[24] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Wear your old clothes part of 
the tune so you'll not be taken for 
one of the new rich. 

Don't repent. Put all your 
energy into doing the right thing 
next time. 

^;^ There is no worse tyranny than 
the doctrine of the ** social debt." 
K we must return every courtesy 
in kind, then all invitations should 
be served by the sheriff. 



A fine dog is a good companion, 
but have no dealings with a pup. 



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If you judge your friends by the 
ideal person you have in your 
mind you will never have any. 
There is good and bad in every 
one. Love the good. In this way 
you can enjoy the society of a 
horse thief. 

[25] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



A headline is a thing used by 
newspapers to indicate what the 
article doesn^t contain. 

The people are not to blame; 
it's the rascals who make it a 
business to keep them misin- 
formed. 

1^7. The man who can't compromise 
should get a little rotmd world of 
his own. 



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Don't waste time sympathizing. 
Help. 

Most good deeds are the prod- 
uct of mixed motives. But what 
of it? 



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It's a mean trick to blame the 
Devil when it is all our own fault. 

Heaven is the consciousness of 
having made the world a better 
place to live in. 

[26] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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A tactfid person is one who 
knows when to look the other way. 

In the childhood stage of mo- 
rality, fear of the dog has saved 
many an orchard. 

Worry is the Black Imp of the 
Intelligence family. His father is 
Cowardice, his mother of mixed 
blood. Give him the key to your 
understanding and he will change 
the fairest flowers of happiness 
into the dismal ashes of despair. 

Greatness in a man or pjrramid 
consists merely of a lot of small 
things systematically put together. 

When good people disagree the 
wicked dance holiday. 

A man may know the names of 
all the stars and not know beans< 

[27] 



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Age brings wisdom, not be- 
cause we learn new truths, but 
because with experience old truths 
take on a new significance. 

It won't do much good to put 
necessaries on the Free List unless 
we stop adding luxuries to the 
Necessity List. 

Our fondest anxieties nearly al- 
ways disappoint us. 

Who makes his chief business a 
seeking for happiness never finds 
it. If he make his chief business 
service to others, happiness will 
seek him. 

False pride starves more people 
than lack of food. 

A mind without convictions is 
like a road that begins everywhere 
and ends nowhere. 

[28] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Asking a meddling question ^^^^ 
akes us guilty of the lie that is '^ ]f \ 



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makes us guilty 
told in answer. 



A specialist is a person who 
charges ten dollars. 

Congress is composed of Gar- 
den-seeders and Statesmen — but 
the latter are likely to be recalled. 

Every man has a code of morals 
— but some of the codes need 
revising. 



Most of us have two standards 
of conduct — one for ourselves 
and another for the millionaires. 



The God of the ordinary man is 
merely an enlarged image of him- 
self. 



[29] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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An unpretending thief does small 
harm and should be mildly treated; 
but the public man who in speech 
or print designedly and for per- 
sonal ends spreads false opinions 
among confiding people should be 
put in prison for life and held up 
to the scorn of coming ages. 

K you would enjoy the taste of 
pie, live mostly on bread. 



If you are only agreeable, people 
will condone your faults and for- 
give your virtues. 

The sordid philosophy of the 
underworld lies hid under many a 
silken cloak of literary excellence. 

Keep too much in the limelight 
and somebody'll discover your long 
ears. 

[30] 



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The world is a circus. The 
whole show is good, but we like 
the clowns best. 

Goodness is sometimes brought 
in disrepute because it keeps fool- 
ish company. 

Nothing entertains a group of 
admiring friends like a narration 
by husband or wife of such little 
connubial felicities as " The Story 
of the First Doughnut.'' 

K you would tmderstand na- 
ture's message go where the pebbly 
brook winds its way through a sim- 
kissed meadow — and look — and 
listen. 

There is no sure solution to 
many of the problems of every- 
day life. Our only guide must be 
common sense, aided by the most 
enlightened conscience of the 
times. 



[31] 






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A Cornfield Philosopher 



There are two sorts of fashion- 
able people, the leaders and the 
followers — and the latter are the 
fools. 

Govermnent by Hysteria is the 
logical successor to Government 
by Greed. 

If a man is conceited we duck 
him in the pond; with a woman 
we use flattery — imless there's a 
chance to escape. 

Prosperity loves to linger in the 
land of the red clover and the 
yellow com. 

Scientists have discovered that 
you can't prove the brightness of 
a man's mind by the brilliance of 
his necktie. 

To partly solve the high cost of 
living, laws should be passed that 
all styles should remain effective 
for at least thirty days. 

[32] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Luxury costs only five cents. A ^>^^p^^ 
loaf of bread and a day's himger '^ _ |f > 
will do the turn. 

A man of high intelligence and 
great honesty rarely makes an at- 
tractive statesman. He is never 
one-sided enough to please the 
patriots. 

To battle with wrong is often a 
duty; but don't enter the fight 
imtil you are fit. 

We love our friends for the 
things they haven't got. 

A knowledge of social rules is 
highly important, but more im- 
portant is a knowledge of when to 
ignore them. 

DuUness and decorum are first 
cousins. 

[33] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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Old Git-a-Dollar is ambidex- 
trous. He can love a man with 
one hand and cheat him with the 
other. 

It's easy to get along with 
strangers, but when the relatives 
don't do as we want them to it 
makes a lot of trouble. 

If you are big enough to be un- 
conscious of your appearance, no- 
body will remember how you were 
dressed. 

If the office had sought the man, 
how many public officials would be 
in their present places? 

A fat head and a fat heart often 
follow a fat pocket. 

The time really to enjoy a sum- 
mer vacation is about the middle 
of January. 



[34] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



7, 



If the man of straw should die, 
who would furnish fodder for the 
spellbinder? 

Mental capacity is not measured 
by the things we know, but by the 
things we are able to find out. 

Always live as if you expected to 
live always. 

The worth of a dollar and a book 
is the price of the book. 

Whom Satan would command he 
first makes melancholy. 

As well pass a coin in the high- 
way as a bit of information without 
making it your own. 

A silent person often speaks 
more impressively than one who 
talks. We fear and respect what 
we don't quite understand. 

[35] 






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A cheerfixl natixre is a perennial 
feast. 

There is so much to do, it seems 
a pity to waste time disputing over 
opinions that can't be proved. 

It takes more time to unlearn 
what is false than to learn what is 
true. 

Nothing in the world is so im- 
certain as a ** sure thing." 

Most people, when they have 
given advice, want to send a police- 
man along to see that it is carried 
out. 

No man deserves credit nor 
should receive praise for doing his 
duty. 

We spend our money for beer, 
bonnets and automobiles, and then 
danm the tariff and the trusts. 

[36] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Religion is the aspiration of the 
soul for better things. Souls are 
much alike, but aspirations differ 
according to individual standards 
of what is good. 



\ m 



Since we mostly elect little men 
to the big offices, why not be con- 
sistent and elect big men to the 
little offices. 



A<i 



\ 



The extent of life depends not 
on years but upon the nimiber and 
variety of your experiences. K 
you would live long, do things. K 
nothing else offers, go out and 
stone your neighbor's dog. 



W 



Ignore the law and you will be 
free — also himg. 

The only way to insure an easy 
life is through learning to endure 
hardship. 

[37] 



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./" 



A Cornfield Philosopher 



The wooden face so often em- 
ployed by society dames is de- 
signed, no doubt, to hide a wooden 
head. 

Of all the moral attributes the 
most essential is backbone. 

There is a wide range of in- 
terests that are universal to all 
human beings. You can get on a 
footing with almost any man if you 
have the art of touching elbows 
with him upon the comimon ground. 

When a woman boasts of never 
having learned to cook, it's a safe 
guess that her mother worked in a 
bakeshop. 

If you are going to let another 
man do your thinking, why not let 
him eat your breakfast? 

A good thing is often a bad 
thing because it takes the place of 
something better. 

[38] 



v^^ 




A Cornfield Philosopher 



Memory is a great hall wherein 
are hung the pictures of oxir past 
experiences: and no one is ever 
admitted. 

Dwelling next door is an old- 
fashioned but very exclusive per- 
son called Prudence. She lives 
modestly, being neither yotmg, 
handsome nor stylish, yet her 
friendship is more to be desired 
than the favor of Kings. 

So many foolish things are done 
for religion, it^s little wonder the 
infant is sickly. 

Misforttme is the bosom friend 
of the man who ** didn^t think." 

When Cupid and Cupidity make 
friends Hymen hides his face. 

Goodness is inherent. Even the 
worst men do right most of the 
time. 



[39] 



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A Comfidd Philosopher 



ft 






When Dame Fashion stalks 
down the street Modesty runs and 
hides. 

Only a foolish doctor would 
decide a man's ailment from a 
single symptom. 

It's all right to talk shop if 
youVe anything in the place that 
isn't moth-eaten. 

Tact is the trump card in the 
social game. 

The person with the shortest 
brain often has the longest tongue. 
This must be due to the law of 
compensation. 

The only way to reform a man 
is not to let him know it. 

For genuine philanthropy — the 
kind that's ready for personal sac- 
rifice — visit the abode of poverty. 

[40] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



An egotist is one whose eyes ^^^^^^^^ 
look in instead of out. -^ \i ^ 

Better a dinner of turnips where 
the dandelions grow than a broiled 
lobster among the tall chimneys. 

Appearances coimt for a good 
deal in the business world. Who 
would buy bananas of Bill Bryan or 
Bill Taft? 

Few men can stand prosperity. 
And yet we're all candidates. 

Vice is mostly virtue gone 
astray. 






Why doesn't some enterprising 
person arrange a " Cook's Tour 
of the Eating Houses"? That is 
what travel means to many people. 

Don't look at yourself through 
a microscope; you can see quite 
enough with the naked eye. 



[41] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



I'^i 



Some think they can fool St. 
Peter by wearing black. 

How quiet it would be if nobody 
gave an opinion until he was asked. 

Ideas without words are as 
helpless as a wagon without 
wheels. 

Praise to some persons is like 
water to a mill. Neither will work 
without a steady supply. 

A man can usually find what he 
is looking for in this world — 
even a black eye. 

Intelligent conversation is one 
of the delights of social life — but 
give the rest of us a chance. 

To be a good newspaper writer, 
take one fact and dilute it in a 
column of words — and if you're 
clever you can often dispense with 
the fact. 

[42] 



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A G>mfield Philosopher 



A 



\ 



A statesman studies the faults 
of his people and tries to correct 
them: a politician finds out their 
prejudices and goes them one 
better. 

Better to do right from wrong 
motives, than wrong from right 
motives. Whether you lose your 



r,**^v**w* jwv *wwv. your 
soul is not significant, but 






how your acts affect others is of 
vital importance. 



Hold your head so high you can't 
see the shortcomings of others. 
Besides, it promotes digestion. 

Silence often punishes more 
keenly than epithet. 

The man who can laugh at his 
own sad plight is scheduled to win 
a future fight. 



[43] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



^w 



Considering the crew she gen- 
erally carries, we should say the 
Ship of State was a mighty well 
built craft. 



The church and lodge should be 
training schools for that wonder- 
ful institution The Brotherhood of 
Man. 



A 



As a rule people demand grati- 
tude as payment for favors — and 
often the price is too high. 



Some adorn the inside of their 
heads — others the outside. 

Sunny today, sunny tomorrow, is 
the song of the shortsighted. 

Don't describe your weak points. 
They'll be found out soon enough. 

[44] 



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.-^^ 



A Cornfield Philosopher 



Reform is sometimes so eager 
to do good, it tries to right wrongs 
that do not exist. 

Some persons can lie as if they 
were telling the truth; some tell 
the truth as if they were lying. 

The feminine heart is full of 
compassion: many feed the poor; 
others give all they possess to 
spread the gospel of some fashion- 
able dressmaker. 

The good of giving must be meas- 
ured not by the motive but by the 
result. 

The next reform will be to 
abolish advertising. 

Time is not long enough to re- 
ward the sacrifices of many a 
tired mother. 

[45] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



A man is a solitary thing. Half 
his life he spends in trying to find 
out if there is anything in the 
universe just like himself. The 
rest of the time he is eating and 
sleeping. 

If you would learn the trick of 
popularity study the methods of 
the office-chaser. No one knows 
so well the power of the pleased 
elbow and the greeting eye. 

Most people overvalue the ac- 
quirements they do not possess — 
though with some it is different. 

God makes most of the men, but 
the tailors make some. 



A feminine monologue on the 
subject of husband and children is 
always a delight — to her. 

[46] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Don't condemn a person for the 
friends he keeps; many a good 
man is the friend of bad ones, just 
as he should be. 

A contented woman is a joy in 
the house though she sometimes 
forgets to dam the socks. 

Don't be the slave of public 
opinion. Be the master. 

A new idea is as lonesome in 
some folks' heads as a robin in a 
snowstorm. 

Speaking of medals, why not 
give one to the woman who is 
happy in a four-dollar hat? 

Diversity of belief furnishes the 
landscape of our mental existence. 
If all the people we know thought 
exactly as we think, life would be 
as flat as the sea and as treeless as 
the Sahara. 



[47] 




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A Cornf idd Philosopher 



>^ 



While we're busy reorganizing 
the universe, let's invent some kind 
of a dollar that will come back in 
the night. 

No act is wrong which adds to 
the world's happiness. No act is 
right which fails. 

It you can't look pleasant, run 
along home. Don't spoil the party. 

Don't tell a man he looks nice if 
you value his friendship. Don't 
fail to tell a woman if you value 
hers. 

In too many reforms revenge 
and tyranny are mixed with philan- 
thropy. 

When you weep enter into your 
closet, and when you have shut the 
door weep on your own shoulder. 

[48] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



Some of these uplift magazines 
shoxxld publish expurgated editions 
for the young. 

Eternity is the distance between 
a hxmgry boy and supper time. 

Always stand by your principles : 
this does not mean that you should 
smash the jaw of every man who 
disagrees with you. 



A 



It is a mark of great confidence 
to be admitted to a friend's house. 
We should never tell what we 
saw there or heard. 



fa^ 



There are persons who would 
** shake " with an earthquake if it 
was etiquette. 

Piety weeps and talks. Mor- 
ality laughs and does things. 

[49] 



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rX' 



A Cornfield Philosopher 



fe 



The distinction between a civil- 
ized man and a savage is mostly a 
matter of paint. 

If you wish to avoid mistakes 
never do anything. 

It is not wealth but the arro- 
gance of wealth that offends the 
poor. 

We are likely to criticize in 
others those qualities that are lack- 
ing in ourselves. 

It is through the presence of 
flaws that we learn to appreciate 
perfection. 

Doing a thing from mere sense 
of duty is like eating when you are 
not himgry. 

Plumes and white horses are out 
of fashion, dear maid. The mod- 
em prince wears overalls and rides 
a box car. 

[50] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



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VI 



A philosopher is a man who puts ^^^^M^^^ 
on his gymnasium suit and thinks -^ V \ 
when nobody's looking. 

" Hitch your wagon to a star " 
if you've a mind to, but you'll 
get a better living with a span of 
mules. 

Judging from some of this recent 
worry about the human race, it 
seems a wonder we've kept going 
these last himdred thousand years 
or so. 

Service to Man is the melting 
pot of all the Religions. 

Just where to draw the line be- 
tween selfishness and altruism is 
an xmsolved problem of personal 
morals. 

Economy fills the cellar, 
travagance fills the attic. 

[51] 




.^^- -^^^C^M^^<:<>^ 



A Cornfield Philosopher 



Morality consists of doing things 
that make the world better. The 
trouble is we can't agree on how it 
shall be done. 



A man that prides himself on 
never changing his mind hasn't 
much^ 



•^^i 



Most of our moods are bom of 
suggestion. That's why we love a 
happy person. 

Opportunity never knocks at the 
door of the imprepared. 



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Don't spend all your social coin 
on first impressions. Keep a little 
to jingle in your pockets. 



The comer stone of the Happy 
Home is made of bread and pota- 



toes, 



[52] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 



•=Vi 



h 



Our friend Begood is sometimes 
inclined to overwork. U he would 
take a day off once in a while and 
go out and watch the games he 
wotild live longer and be a lot more 
agreeable. 



When the thtmders roll and 
the lightnings flash and the hurri- 
canes roar, stand pat. 

There is so much charm in good- 
fellowship, it is not strange we 
sometimes yield to the imitation. 

Most of our happiness comes 
from the fruition of hopes yet un- 
realized. 



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It is not charitable to give imless 
you have assurance that the re- 
cipient of your boimty will obtain a 
benefit. 

[53] 






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'--^-'5i^>^<::>s-- 



A Cornfield Philosopher 



\Mi 



Nobody objects to a woman^s 
acting like a man if she acts like a 
gentleman. 

The principal value of learning 
is to place us beyond the influ- 
ence of quacks — especially the 
religious. 

Some people had rather be pitied 
than have good health. 

K youVe mortgaged the future 
to buy folly, don't complain when 
the foreclosure comes. 

Any good movement is likely to 
be killed if some fool picks himself 
to carry the baimer. 

It's not what we do for people, 
but what we are to them, that 
helps. 

[54] 



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A Cornfield Philosopher 

We are bom pine or oak, but 
whether we go to a factory or stay 
in the log pile depends largely on 
ourselves. 

When charity feeds the lame the 
lazy always limp. 

Everybody believes in God, but 
some are afraid he won't find it 
out 



If we should conduct ourselves 
by the rules we lay down for others, 
the Millennium would soon arrive. 

The only way to get a thing done 
is to neglect everything else. 

Ignorance and Selfishness are 
the twin evils of the xmiverse. 

"Money talks," but usually it 
says the wrong thing. 



[55] 






y /I I 



^>^' 



" -^-'3^j^ 



A Cornfield Philosopher 



Don't complain of high prices 
when you can buy a thirty-dollar 
bonnet for six barrels of flour. 

How foolish it is to be generous 
when nobody's looking, 

K youVe nothing to say, talk 
about yourself. 



;^ 



Most people live on borrowed 
brains — and nearly always they 
borrow the wrong kind. 

None of these remarks apply to 
you, but a lot of them were meant 
for that fool neighbor of yours. 

The best place to sprout a family 
tree is in the family washtub. 

Pleasure is bought with pain — 
and you needn't expect much 
less you are willing to *^^^' 
price. 

[56] 



un- 
pay the 



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A 



A Comfidd Philosopher 



When you want to hire help 
hang out a sign, so as not to em- 
barrass the " unemployed." 

If you wish to be a success so- 
cially, don't try. 

Some are suited with a coat of 
arms, but almost everyone prefers 
wool. 

When a big man gets money he 
becomes a philanthropist. When 
a little one gets it he turns snob. 



Never tell a lie. Rarely tell the 
truth. 

A "lucky coin'* is one that 
wants to live in a savings bank. 

Almost anybody can be honest 
after dinner. 



[57] 




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A Cornfield Philosopher 



It takes a hundred years to 
learn how to live, and then you're 
dead. 

It's a heavy tax upon some young 
people to live up to the wedding 
gifts. 

Our wants are like weeds in a 
June garden: destroy one and 
two take its place. 



A 



Books are marvelous things; 
but the greatest book of all is the 
htiman heart. Learn to read that 
and you will know all poetry, all 
religion, aU philosophy. 



f/ 



Get all the pleasure possible out 
of today; but a part of that pleas- 
ure should consist of planning 
pleasure for other days. 



[58] 



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